托福考试 看看托福作文如何突破瓶颈？

很多学生在备考托福的时候，都会遇到瓶颈。拿作文举例，很多学生刚开始学习的时候就可以得到23,24分的作文成绩，但是却再也提高不上去了。今天太傻小编整理的这篇文章，就是为这样的学生打开思路，让他们知道高分作文的要求。希望学生们阅读之后可以广开思路。
　　
　　作文题目：
　　
　　Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
　　
　　Television advertising directed towards youngchildren (aged two to five) should not be allowed.
　　
　　Use specific reasons and examples to support youranswer.
　　
　　翻译：
　　
　　你是否同意以下言论？
　　
　　针对2-5岁儿童的电视广告不应被允许。
　　
　　用具体的原因和例子来支持你的回答。
　　
　　学生情况分析：
　　
　　学生已经掌握了托福作文的基本写法，而现在要努力把文章写的更唯美一些。
　　
　　可以有以下的做法：
　　
　　在文章中加入修辞形式，如排比、类比、比喻等。
　　
　　In the market economy, television advertising has been serving as an influential and even magical siren 【此处运用了metaphor】 to call on potential customers to accept her ideas and to squander their money, trying their best to buy everything broadcast or presented on the television screen. Because of the predominant power of persuasion, most industrialists, manufacturers, and shop owners 【此处运用了parallelism】dream of utilizing intriguing television advertisements to attract as many consumers as possible, thereby ushering the advertisements into every corner of oursocial life. However,【转折提亮了中心思想】 the television advertising targeting on young children of less than five years of age should be immediately banned, because its detrimental effect is no less than the effect of virus on a body with insufficient immune systems.【此处运用了analogy】
　　
　　翻译与分析：
　　
　　这一段116个字，作为开头段，有一点长。但是这是一个可以让我们看清写作方向的范本。
　　
　　（1）第一句话中运用的比喻（metaphor）已经暗中说出对于电视广告的不满，因为这一句话中把电视广告比喻做海妖（siren）。“在市场经济中，电视广告已经作为一个强有力甚至是有魔力的海妖，在召唤潜在消费者去接受她的理念并且去挥金如土，竭尽全力去购买电视屏幕上播放或者展示的一切商品。”比喻，作为一种修辞手法，运用得当的话，会给文章加分。
　　
　　（2）第二句话“因为空前绝后的说服力，大多数实业家、制造商、和店主都梦想利用引人入胜的电视广告来吸引尽可能多的消费者，因此将广告带入和社会生活的每一个角落。”这句话中运用了排比，“实业家、制造商、和店主”是三个名词的排比。注意此处的用词的多样性。
　　
　　（3）第三句话中的原因处将电视广告对于儿童的有害影响比作了病毒对于免疫力不足的肌体的影响，这里的修辞手法是类比（analogy）。
　　
　　2. 在论述段要做到：论点掷地有声，例证声情并茂。
　　
　　学生已经掌握了论述段的statement + example的基本写作方法。但是现在要努力提升statement和example 的质量。
　　
　　【Statement:】As is known to all, young children eagerly seek and assimilate knowledge in order to build up their knowledge framework. Therefore, it is the responsibility of their parents and even of the whole society to provide them with truth rather than distorted, exaggerated, or prejudiced information. Unfortunately,in its desperate desire to boost its sales, television advertising is liable to instill wrong information into children’s mind, thus leading to serious misunderstanding which might jeopardize children’s future development. Thinking of this potential disaster, we should not allow such television advertisements.
　　
　　翻译与分析：
　　
　　这个论点有点长，86个字，但是也可以说明道理。
　　
　　“众所周知，儿童积极的寻求并且吸收知识，以便于建立他们自己的知识框架。因此，家庭和社会都有责任给孩子讲述真理而非扭曲的、夸大其词的、或者是有偏见的信息。不幸的是，在肆无忌惮的寻求提升销售量的过程中，电视广告倾向于给孩子灌输错误的信息，从而导致孩子有严重的误解，而这种误解有可能危害到孩子未来的成长发育。考虑到这种潜在的灾难，这样的电视广告不可以被允许。”
　　
　　由此可见，论点要尽量写的确凿无疑，不容辩驳。感觉像在报纸上读到的新闻一样。
　　
　　这句话也可以简单写成：“First, television advertising might mislead children so that their knowledge framework might be distorted.”但是这种论证过程就不是特别充分。
　　
　　同样，这一段话中，可以通过把第二句省略来简短一点。这样读起来也没有不通顺。
　　
　　同样，最后一句是对于中心思想的回应，也是可有可无的，不会影响整体的理解。因此，如果要缩减篇幅，上面一段的statement可以写成：
　　
　　【Statement:】
　　
　　As is known to all, young children eagerly seek and assimilate knowledge in order to build up their knowledge framework. Unfortunately, in its desperate desire to boost its sales, television advertising is liable to instill wrong information into children’s mind, thus leading to serious misunderstanding which might jeopardize children’s future development.
　　
　　这样只有51个字的statement在正式考试中是比较合适的字数量。
　　
　　【Example:】
　　
　　Take my childhood experience as an example. When I was only four years old, I was deeply impressed by a television advertisement of yoghurt. “Taking yoghurt, youare smarter! Taking yoghurt, you are prettier!”I shouted out this slogan all day long and yelled to my parents for yoghurt. This experience, now in my recalling, was unreasonable and even rediculous, but at that time it became my belief: I even needed to carry a box of yoghurt in order to give myself confidencein front of the public. Last year, I happened to read an article stating that yoghurt might not be as nutritious and beneficial to human being as we once assumed. At that time I was so angry with the childhood advertisement as to attempt to ask the businessman, “Why did you use such distorted advertisement to mislead us?” Luckyfor us, at least the yoghurt I ate was not toxic. If that advertisement was about medical pills or some harmful electronic devices, the disasters would be too terrible to consider.

　　
　　以上的例子有点长，我就不给出翻译了。大家估计也能看懂。这里的关键在于例子的声情并茂，栩栩如生。为了做到这一点，就需要适当运用引用（direct quotation），并且要带入真情实感。
　　
　　一篇托福文章，首先要保证的是结构正确，用词、语法正确。在保证了正确性的前提下，还要增加句式、用词、修辞等方面的多样性，才能够得到理想的分数。所以，大家加油！