托福作文批改参考

In times of an economic crisis, in which area should the government reduce its spending? 1. Education 2. Health care 3. Support for the unemployed

其实这题目选择就有些迷茫了，就内容来说，明显“education”好写：
1. Modern Education----computer-based ----online materials----save money 然后再对比2、3两个的紧急性
2. Modern education---individual / private investment {why?--cuz---scientific research ---profits}---so governmental support is not necessary 再对比2、3
3. 一般你 2个主体理由展开充分，基本字数就是400以上了；只是如果还想再深入点可以加入：education is a lifelong career----sustainable and steady----it is less susceptible to financial crisis

【Governments over the world are paying great attention to their social economy, the rate of the unemployed and the welfare of people in order to circumvent economic crisis since the Great Depression. According to Karl Heinrich Marx, there is gyration of economic crisis in capital countries and it will just occur in a cycle.】背景引得很高大尚，但是这和主题之间绕得太远。
One of the measures that governments commonly use is to decrease its cost. However, it is surely a controversial issue that in which fields we should reduce the financing. Some people choose education and some choose health care, while others may choose the economic support for the unemployed. ｛前端背景过于高，这里直入主题改写却瞬间low掉了==如此反差不能增分｝模版, fee for health care is the one to be declined in such a circumstance. 模版开头的字数远超于主体本身，头重脚轻

First and foremost, spending for education should always be the last one to be reduced.我不明白题目核心讨论哪个被削减，为什么你主体上来就和我说两个不该被削减的理由； Science and technology is undoubtedly the dominant factor of boosting the chronic economical progression in the current world. Whereas, only when one has received comprehensive education with splendid quality, only when one has a wide range of knowledge, can he or she make great contribution to the society.

Therefore, apparently education functions as the hinge of the holistic economic development and every one can see what serious aftermath it will incur if the education of a country ebbs.你的问题很简单，GRE写作写惯了，高大尚却内容空洞！虽然高分依然可以保证，但是亲，注意托福是有机改，所以不能完全看出你的问题，如果后期国外写论文，我建议你开始撇开词汇句法｛你已经很ok了｝，把重心放在内容展开上面

Furthermore, support for the unemployed is indispensible for both the government and the society. It is a common scene that corporations decide to cut staff to compensate for the decline of margin and this will result in panic and subsequently a chain reaction. The unemployed do not have salaries and thus most of them will choose to deal with variegated consumptions 如此搭配？Non-native 同时到底哪些“消费””什么样的行为”？所有细节点都没说明，一笔带过no development in a more scrupulous and frugal manner and that in turn will overall decrease the social consumption level. Factories and companies may be put on a more soddish{informal language} position. However, if the government endorse those unemployed, the situation is very likely to be meliorated.

Last but not least, it seems to be an understandable decision for the government to temporarily reduce the health care espousing to the public. Workers will comparatively easily accept the alteration in the health care funding since they have witnessed the reduction in their wages. 全文真正该说的重点，却一笔带过。。。。

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