美化托福写作句子的“三维训练法”--雕琢令托福考官心动的长句

托福写作一直是困扰中国考生的一个瓶颈。很多考生在通过基础课的学习和课下大量反复的练习后，能够掌握英语的基本句型结构，在写作中有意识的组织、输出符合语法规范的句子，为语言的准确性提供了保障。但随后，这些学生又会发现进阶高分才是“破茧成蝶”追求质变的过程。强化班的学生一般通过了大学英语六级考试，具备一定的英语学习基础，对句子结构和表达习惯有一定的认知，希望在句子结构和篇章构架上有新的突破，打造native speaker一般的语言。但由于长期受汉语思维影响句子过短，结构单一，缺少连接过度词，逻辑不严密等问题在这些考生中层出不穷。“如何写长句？如何美化简单句？什么样的句子能够打动考官？”针对这些考生在托福高分写作中常见问题，笔者从“句子位置”、“语法性质”和“逻辑意思”三个维度入手，以“句子位置”这一维度为主线，分为句首、句中和句末 “三部曲”进行方法的总结。 谨以此文献给广大托福考生，望为大家在高分冲刺环节带来一些启示和福音。

一部曲：句首

“万事开头难”，写句子也是如此。如何给考官留下良好的第一印象呢？中国学生习惯用名词或者物主代词放在句首做主语。虽然这样的句子在语法结构上挑不出毛病，但通篇都是这样的句子，会让考官产生视觉疲劳，认为文章句式单一。如何让我们的句子开头开的新鲜有趣、灵活自如呢？这里送给大家7个“锦囊”：

锦囊1. 同位语

英语中经常使用名词性质的成分来做同位语，用来解释说明一个抽象概括性的名词，使之具体化。这一点体现英语的思维习惯，而在汉语的表达中很少出现。如: 学生在表达“手机是人们日常生活中不可缺少的一部分”的时候写到Cell phones are playing an indispensable role in people’s daily communication. 主语Cell phones的属性是什么呢？假设读者根本不清楚这个物品是什么，我们是否需要对它作补充说明呢？比如用同位语“现代最具革命性的发明之一”来修饰它，Cell phones, one of the most revolutionary inventions in modern times, are playing an indispensable role in people’s daily communication. 另，英语中，当主语较短时，我们通常把同位语移到句首，给它突出的位置，让句子谓语前后的成分更加平衡，句子可变成：One of the most revolutionary inventions in modern times, cell phones are playing an indispensable role in people’s daily communication.

同理，考生想表达“购物如今在很大程度上发展的比以往更要迅猛。” Shopping is developing rapidly to a large extent more than ever before.这个句子用了正在进行时生动形象的表述了快速增长的这个趋势，表程度的短语to a large extent使语言更加严谨，设参照物与过去进行比较，让论证更加客观且具有说服力。但这句话还存在着改进的空间。因为主语shopping是一个概括性的名词，我们可以给用同位语——“人们日常生活中不可缺少而且最基本的环节之一”来诠释它，再把这个同位语提到句首，这样句子就变成了One of the most fundamental and essential aspects in people’s everyday life，shopping is developing rapidly to a large extent more than ever before. 这就像给句子带上一顶“帽子”让考官眼前一亮，也使谓语前后的成分更加平衡，让考官读起来很舒服。   

锦囊2. 副词或副词短语

在《新概念三、四册》中的句子经常会使用地道的副词做开头，或在句中做插入成分。与其说这些副词是装饰点缀，不如说正体现的是英语重视逻辑和严谨的特征。语言学家以“竹节句法”来比喻英语句子,所谓“竹节”就是必不可缺的各种衔接过渡符号，其中句子副词和相关副词短语则是其必不可少的元素。

例如：在讨论发展旅游业的利与弊的时候，学生写到：Admittedly, cultures differences, indeed, are what expand one’s overlook, especially the locals who have never been out of the remote area. Yet, the uniqueness of ethnic minorities may be negatively affected and eroded by the flourishing tourism industry and their followers - tourists. When a host of visitors with modern ideas enter a time-honored tribe with unique culture, for instance, the tribe can be gradually assimilated. Particularly, living in poverty, residents in this tribe may give up their traditional lifestyles that no longer meet their demands for living. Instead, they tend to follow the modern one in terms of a higher living standard they expect.

考生一上来就用了“Admittedly”这个表示让步关系的利好副词，先肯定其好处——文化差异可以开阔一个人的世界观，尤其是对于那些未曾走出过偏远地区的当地百姓来说；随后，学生用了一个表示强转折的副词“Yet”,引出对立的观点，指出负面影响——旅游业的兴盛以及随之而来的游人会对这些少数民族文化的独特性产生负面影响。这里笔者特别推荐大家使用让步逻辑进行论证，展现辩证思维，即考虑一个事物的两面性。如这位考生 “欲抑先扬”，其要表达的重点在表转折的副词——“Yet”后面，体现出成熟的论证策略。后面考生用“for instance”做插入语，标志开始举例论证——当一批充满现代观念的游人来到一个历史悠久的拥有独特文化的部落时，这个部落会逐渐被同化。之后，考生用“Particularly”将这个例子细化到极致，即举出一种特定情况——如果生活贫困，当地居民会放弃已经不能满足他们需求的传统的生活方式。“Instead”,表示与传统生活方式相对立的情况——高水平的现代生活。

上述例子通过在句首使用副词作逻辑衔接，让句子结构错落有致，也创造出张弛有度的节奏感。重要的是，“Admittedly”--“Yet” --“Particularly”--“Instead”这四个副词鲜明的勾勒出一幅逻辑框架。在谋篇上，若考生能够注意使用表示逻辑的过渡词，有助于考官迅速的把握出文章的脉络。常见利好逻辑连接副词总结如下，学生在阅读过程中，亦可有意识的进行总结。

锦囊3. 形容词或形容词短语

“Each shopping mall will be beautifully-decorated, and aims to create a special atmosphere for the promotion, when some festivals come.” 这个句子用一个合成形容词beautifully-decorated作Each shopping mall的表语，说明其状态特征。可以将其提到句首，Beautifully-decorated, each shopping mall aims to create a special atmosphere for the promotion, when some festivals come.考官一看到句子，能先想象出一座装饰精美的购物中心，之后冷静的知晓这件事的目的是什么。

“Fragile and vulnerable, our earth is being threatened by people’s city life which tends to be extravagant and wasteful. ”这句话阐述了地球环境和人类城市生活的关系，而且分别用并列的形容词构成的平行结构“Fragile and vulnerable”和“extravagant and wasteful”来修饰“地球环境”和“城市生活”的性质、状态或特征。这句话的原始状态是：Our earth is fragile and vulnerable and it is being threatened by people’s city life which tends to be extravagant and wasteful考生巧妙地将Fragile and vulnerable移到句首，和句尾的extravagant and wasteful，构成了对称，这样的表达native speaker将会抱着欣赏的态度去品读。

锦囊4. 分词短语

“Our earth becomes even more fragile and vulnerable, because it is being threatened by people’s city life.”这位考生写的是个复合句，主句和从句的主语是同一个事物——＂Our earth＂,所以我们可以将其简化，Being threatened by people’s city life, our earth becomes more and more fragile and vulnerable. 这样就变成了一个简单句。其中现在分词短语“Being threatened by people’s city life”放在句首做原因状语，代替原来的由because引导的从句，our earth是其逻辑主语，这是一个“化繁为简”的过程。

“If I was offered the opportunity to opt for one type of climate or the other, I would choose to live in a region where the weather is constantly changing throughout the year.”由于从句和主句的主语一致，考生在这里可以把条件状语从句分词化，即用过去分词短语开头充当状语，逻辑主语“I”是动作的承受者：Offered the opportunity to opt for one type of climate or the other, I would choose to live in a region where the weather is constantly changing throughout the year.

锦囊5. 不定式短语

考生在翻译“要学好英语，大量反复的练习是必须的”这句话是，有考生写成“To study English well, abundant and constant practices are needed.”这句话中“abundant and constant practices”是句子的主语，不能做不定式“To study English well”的逻辑主语，所以应改成：To study English well, you need abundant and constant practices. 或者 “Abundant and constant practices are needed for you to study English well.”另，“To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.”两个不定式结构在句中作目的状语， one同时充当不定式的逻辑主语。

不定式在句中作独立成分，可以看作是一种逻辑标志，能引起读者的注意，有助于考官对文章脉络的把握。

锦囊6. 介词短语

“For a short period, humans can benefit from chopping down forests and use the land to grow corn. But from the long-term perspective, they might have destroyed the ecological balance of many natural habitats in that region.”考生用两个介词短语开头，分别从眼前和长远角度对“毁林种田”的结果进行分析。另外，还有一些表示逻辑的介词短语，见下表：

锦囊7. 从句

学生写科技给人类带来了很大的好处,“Scientific and technological developments has brought great benefits to people.”这个事实人人皆知，不可否认的事实可嵌套在名词性从句中来表达，如：”Nobody can deny the fact that scientific and technological developments has brought great benefits to people.” 使用同位语从句，增强了句子的层次感，同时双否的表达起到了强调的作用，这是一个利好句型。这样的名词性从句的＂帽子＂还有：It is manifest/conceivable/obvious/apparent/universally acknowledged that…，It is without doubt that…，It is widely-accepted that…；There’s no denying/doubt that…；Nobody can deny the fact that…等。

另，as 引导的非限定性定语从句可以放于句首，表示 “正如…”“就想…”,指代后面整个句子，如”As is so often pointed out, science is a double-edged sward which can be used equally for good or evil. “ 中“As is so often pointed out,…”表示“正如人们常常指出的，…”。这样的用法还有：As can be seen from…,…；As is self-evident,…；As is known to all…等。

此外，状语从句放在句首的情况是十分普遍的，如，“As long as one is careful and does not overdo it, doing sports is absolutely a wise idea for young children.”“Because one can see the body language and facial expression of the other person, I do believe face-to-face conversation is better”笔者将常用状语从句连词总结如下：

二部曲：句中

锦囊1. 同位语

英语习惯在一个名词的后面使用同位语，解释这个名词的性质、状态或特征，或使其具体化：

“Our earth, more and more fragile and vulnerable, is being threatened by people’s city life. ”这里用并列的形容词词组做了our earth的同位语说明其特征。”It is imperative for people, both young and elderly, to green their daily routine.”这里用“both young and elderly”是people具体化。

此外，托福写作评分标准中有一项是：内容详实，要有举例。汉语习惯注重概括，习惯从宏观上去把握问题；英语习惯把一个问题具体化，侧重个体微观的分析。由于思维上的差异，这一点对于考生来说无疑又是一个挑战。如何攻克呢？内容上，建议考生们多听多读加大积累，还要勤于思考、分类总结，或者直接买一本《论点论据大全》这样的书。形式上，可用由for example, including, particularly, especially, namely, that is to say…等引导的同位语来解决。如“Our earth is so fragile and vulnerable that natural disasters, droughts, floods, sand storms, for instance, happened more and more frequently than ever before all around the world.”其中”droughts, floods, sand storms, for instance,”用来做“natural disasters”的同位语，可简化成——A，B，C，for instance (A,B,C是名词性的词或短语的并列)做某个概括性的名词的同位语，用来举例，考生们加强积累和练习即能掌握。再如＂Such a change has liberated many women and given them chance to do more meaningful things, a higher pay job or a more respectful one ,for example. ＂　这里用 “a higher pay job or a more respectful one, for example就将meaningful things”具体化了。

另，“It is absolutely true that people nowadays undergo great pressures that come from various directions, including work, school, economy, and so forth. ”中的“including”是介词，所以后面应该加并列的 名词或名词性词组。

此外，“ Becoming an adult is based on a variety of events, namely, when one's body changes, when one's mind expands, and when one accumulates experiences. ” a variety of events很概括，后面用“namely，即”,进行解释这一系列的变化。

最后，“ On the other hand, the proposed factory would almost certainly have adverse effects on the local environment, particularly in regards to polluting the water. ” 为把“怎么对当地环境产生负面影响” 具体化，用“particularly”把读者眼球聚焦在“污染水资源“这个典型上。

锦囊2. 插入语

英语与汉语在表达上的另一个差异就是插入语的使用。它可以是一个词，短语或从句，常被逗号、破折号或句子的其他部分隔开，被归为独立成分，与句子的其他部分之间没有语法上的关系。如：

“Our earth, true, is being threatened by people’s city life. ”

“Our earth, unfortunately, becomes more and more fragile and vulnerable. ”

“Our earth, as a matter of fact, becomes much more fragile and vulnerable.”

“Our earth, to be frank, becomes even more fragile and vulnerable.”

这四个句子用了形容词（true）、副词（unfortunately）、介词短语（as a matter of fact）和不定式（to be frank）作句子的插入语起强、调转移话题、附加解释说明的作用，表明自己的态度和看法，以引起考官注意。

“Our earth, generally speaking, becomes more and more fragile and vulnerable.”分词短语“generally speaking”使语言更加严谨。

“Our earth, if so, will become more and more fragile and vulnerable. ”“if so”承上启下，使句子与前面的语句衔接的更紧密。

“Our earth, as I see it, becomes more and more fragile and vulnerable.”

“Our earth, I’m afraid, becomes more and more fragile and vulnerable.”

“Our earth-unlike what it appears- has actually been becoming more and more fragile and vulnerable.”

从句、句子或用标点符号（通常是括号或破折号）引导的句子也可以做插入语，表示观点、态度，能够表明逻辑关系。

常见表示做独立成份的插入语，笔者按语法性质归纳如下：

三部曲：句尾

打过篮球的同学都知道，不要轻易抱住球，这样会造成在原地不能走动。英语写作，也不要轻易给一句话画上句号，想办法将一个事物具体化或者有意识的在搭建一些逻辑关系，让语义延伸。但，考生们切记不要用逗号连接两个句子，如： Some children to a large extent are led by the movies and television instead of books or newspapers, they often lack skills of critical thinking. 这里考生写了“一些儿童经常看电视和电影而不看书读报，他们是缺乏批判性思维的。”中文用“逗号”连接两个句子，读者能推测出前后存在因果关系。然而英文中两个句子需要用相应的关联成分进行衔接，即：连词，关系词，标点符号（句号、分号、冒号或破折号）。所以这句话可改成Some children to a large extent are led by the movies and television instead of books or newspapers，and therefore they often lack skills of critical thinking.注意，therefore是副词，前面需要加“and”或者“分号” 才能直接连接两个句子。这样的表逻辑的过渡成分总结如下：

锦囊1. 连词+副词

…,所以…       句子, and hence/thus/therefore/thereby +句子;

…,但是…       句子, but nevertheless + 句子;

…,但与之相反… 句子, but instead + 句子;

…, 否则…       句子, or/but otherwise+句子。

注：这些表逻辑的副词不能直接连接两个句子，前面必须配合“连词或分号”一起使用。

锦囊2. 分词结构

锦囊3. 介词结构

…,以防…(表目的) …, for fear that…= …, in case + 句子=…, lest…

…,由于…（表原因） …, for the （simple）reason that…

…,尽管…(表让步) …, despite the fact that…

锦囊4. 从句

引导状语从句的连词在“维度一. 句首”部分已经总结过，这里不再赘述。另，笔者再推荐三个利好表达：用非限定性定语从句，对主句或主句中的成分进行修饰，补充或说明。

…,which…  “More bus and subway lines would also save much space now wasted on parking lots, which makes sense from both environmental and city-planning perspectives.” Which在从句中代主句内容。

…,in which… The importance of a teacher varies from period to period, and depends on different stages， in which we are learning. 具体说什么阶段。

For those who are fascinated with art and music, Beijing is the right place, in which concerts of international singers or other musicians are much frequent. 在某个地方有什么特色，也解释其主张。

…without which… Cell phones can be regarded as one of the most revolutionary inventions in 20th century, without which human interaction might never become so mobile like today. 描述某物的重要性可用这个句型，从反面论证“离开此物”便会怎样。

结语：

回到最开始的问题，与其说“什么样的句子能够打动考官？”不如先说“西方人习惯读什么样的语言？”，或“西方人一般用何种思维方式来组织语言？” 进行换位思考：如何让考官在短时间内，识别你的行文脉络，读懂你的文章，被你的论证说服，对你的论点产生认同感，才是打开高分之门的金钥匙。毕竟写作的目的是交流，如果按照中式思维组织语言，英文表达将存在结构松散，逻辑关系不明晰等问题。因为汉语讲究“意合”，注重神统，不需要通过明显的连接词，读者就能推测出上下文的关系。中国学生习惯了汉语的“流水句法”，而不习惯使用英语的连接词，导致考官很难看出其论证过程和文章套路。因此“连接词”是解决这个问题的突破口，即用一系列的过渡符号编织出文章的逻辑网络。笔者分“句首、句中、句末”三部曲，结合语法性质，对要表达的逻辑意思进行总结（关系见下图），希望通过此文帮助考生在托福高分写作语言结构升级方面找到突破口，学着推敲，润色，包装自己的语言，告别“短句满篇，句式单一，缺少过渡”的尴尬，多雕琢出一些语法漂亮、逻辑感强的长句，令考官心动！

天津培训机构众多，为何一定要选新通天津？

★ 金牌课程顾问：通晓各类留学考试，准确评估，量身定制培训课程。　　

★ 权威培训教师：实力派名师团队，名校海归及硕士占70%以上。

★ 专属教学督导：海归或英语专八的教师，贴心严格辅导学习生活。

★ 贴心留学服务：海归背景，熟悉各国留学、签证，一对一订制留学方案。

如有更多问题欢迎致电新通教育：400-618-0272，登录