GRE写作Argument 范文——因果类

题目：
    “The Mozart School of Music should obviously be the first choice of any music student. First of all, the Mozart School stresses intensive practice and training, so students typically begin their training at a very young age. Second, the school has ample facilities and up-to-date professional equipment. Also, its faculty includes some of the most distinguished music teachers in the world. Finally, many Mozart graduates have gone on to be the most renowned and most highly paid musicians in the nation.”
范文及解析：
    This argument concludes that the Mozart School should be the first choice of any music student based on (1) its intensive practice requirements for students of all ages, (2) its outstanding facilities, up-to-date equipment, and distinguished faculty, and (3) the accomplishments of its graduates. The evidence provided indicates that the Mozart School of Music should, in fact, be the first choice but the argument has several fatal flaws.
    【此段结构】
    本段采用了标准的Argument开头段结构，即：C – E - F的开头结构，首句概括原文的C(Conclusion)，同时概括了原文为了支持他的结论所引用的E(Evidence)。最后尾句中给出开头段到正文段的过渡句，指出原文在逻辑上存在F(Flaw)。
    【此段功能】
    本段作为Argument开头段，具体功能就在发起攻击。首先，概括原文的结论：Mozart(简称M)学校是音乐学生的首选。接下来分别列举了原文为了支持这个结论引用的证据：一是M学校各个学生的intensive practice，二是M学校举要好的设施和教工，三是M学校毕业生有很高的成就。论据的归纳用于铺垫出正文段的具体攻击。最后点出原文存在逻辑错误，引出后面的分析。
    First, while The Mozart School of Music is known for its intensive practice and training regimen, the school might only be suitable for new, young students. Perhaps the methods would be a shock for students already familiar with alternative styles of instruction. For that matter, many older students with other interests and activities may find the intensity and time commitment troubling.
    【此段结构】
    本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构，即：概括第一个逻辑错误的错误类型和原文犯错位置，接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。
    【此段功能】
    本段作为正文第一段，攻击文章犯的主要逻辑错误：错误因果。作者认为M学校的intensive practice和training regimen可能只适合低年龄段学生。进一步，作者提出M学校的训练法可能不适合那些年龄大一些的，有音乐基础的学生。
    Secondly, if the claims are true that the outstanding facilities, equipment, and faculty are offered, it may follow that the cost for these benefits is passed on to students in the form of high tuition. Thus the argument assumes that for all prospective music students’ money is no object—a more affordable school may, in fact, be the first choice for music students.
    【此段结构】
    本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构，即：概括第二个逻辑错误的错误类型和原文犯错位置，接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。
    【此段功能】
    本段作为正文第二段，攻击文章犯的主要逻辑错误：因果错误(忽略他因)。作者outstanding facilities, equipment, faculty可能意味着高学费。作者提出原文中的“money is no object”的说法可能不合理，因为学费也是学生考虑的因素。
    Thirdly, while many alumni have moved on to become rich and famous, the argument doesn’t offer a relevant connection between the graduates and potential students. For example, perhaps the earlier, successful graduates benefitted from market trends that have since changes. Therefore, it would stand to reason that any students with the same type of training would no longer fit the bill. Maybe another school provides the technical training that could better prepare students for emerging opportunities in the music scene.
    【此段结构】
    本段采用了标准的Argument正文段结构，即：概括第三个逻辑错误的错误类型和原文犯错位置，接下来给出合理的理由和他因来反驳原文。
    【此段功能】
    本段作为正文第三段，攻击文章犯的主要逻辑错误：因果类。作者认为alumni成功不能说明问题，因为原文没有提到graduate和student之间的connection。接下来。作者列举了一些可能性来反驳原文中的观点。例如，早期毕业生的成功更多由市场潮流造成的，可能具有相同训练的学生不能适合，可能其他学校的学生会有更多机会。
    In sum, The Mozart School of Music, while it may certainly be a very good school, can not claim to be the number one choice for any music student—the claim is too sweeping and the evidence too general. To strengthen the argument, its proponent must demonstrate, at the very least, that the school would be affordable to any prospective student. To better assess the argument the audience needs more information about how various aged students with unique educational backgrounds will be treated. And finally, an audience must be provided with a basic understanding of the music industry in order to determine if the contributing factors that led to the success of alumni have gone unchanged.
    【此段结构】
    本段采用了标准的Argument结尾段结构，即：C – S的结尾结构，首先再次重申原文的站不住脚的Conclusion，接下来给出给合理建议Suggestion。
    【此段功能】
    本段作为Argument结尾段，具体功能就总结归纳+建议措施，首先再次重申“M学校是音乐学生number one choice”的观点不合理。接下来作者给出合理的建议：一是大多数学生可以负担得起学校的学费，二是要说明学校针对不同背景不同年龄学生的教学情况，三是要说明音乐界的基本情况以及使得校友成功的因素不会变化。结尾段的几个条建议非常规整的隐射前面的几个主要错误，前后呼应，文章有力结尾，浑然一体。
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