【剖析】学生雅思习作批改范例

In the wake of diverse culture penetrated into our daily life, we are prone to be exposed to external cultural atmosphere. When it comes to the trendy concept of TV programs and movies, an increasing number of citizens are addicted to those made in other countries. Nevertheless, from my perspective, I am convinced that the TV programs and moves in my own country draw more attention to me.
　　1. movies打字错误
　　2. 开头整体OK
　　3. draw one’s attention或者draw sb to sth就表示吸引，注意下使用搭配

First and foremost, our local programs reflect a body of familiar and surrounding scenes,giving rise to audiences’ resonance. There is no denying the fact that we are expectd to watch familiar living conditions and daily postures and expressions in the works of our own country. For instance,when watchers see their landscapes in theirhometown, the familiar scene covered in the programs are inclined to remind audiences of their memories ever before. Resonance is expected to provoke their own interests and the watchers will stare at the screens in case he or she misses the common part of their concentration.
　　1. 整体说理还是较合理的，个人更建议for instance部分平行写2-3个viewers想看的，可以体现共鸣的东西
　　2. 单词间空格再注意下
　　3. 单词拼写也是expected; 被间隔开的主语和谓语时候，更要注意主谓一致：scene是单数，不可能是are inclined

Furthermore, audiences can gain a better understanding of the details of programs. Owing to the fact that local programs and movies is legible and easily understood, no efforts should be exerted to think about the details and plots of movies. Thus, we have access to actor’s humor and expressions. Not only can we relieve the burden and stress in the process of programs and movies, but also we will get the point of programs without the extra endeavour. As is illustrated in one survey held in my university, a mounting majority of students would rather wathch their own local programs in ther leisure time, demonstrating that they even feel the expression judging by the postures
　　1.  主谓一致；拼写继续注意；最后一句的标点忘记写了
　　2. 个人觉得这段就是说的文化背景的关系吗，如果是，那应该写到这个字眼相关的信息，是因为了解自己的文化才可以更好的理解细节，不是么，那么你的主题句也应该相应修改成the familiarity of home cultures help spark more interest in domestic movies and programs.

Last but not least, it is inrefutable that external moveis and programs offer audiences essensial vehicles for broadening their horizons. They can get exposed to the diverse cultural background and watch various sightseeings, which can provide a deep impression on them. However, we fail to realize the deeper meaning of actors’ words. We can hear what they said but not why they did.  Thus, the programs and movies created by our own countries appeal to us more and audiences are engaging in the programs readily.
　　1. 单词拼写问题3个地方
　　2. 名词数量，sightseeing不可数
　　3. 整体段落里面能用的词汇能你也用，说理也ok但有些表达其实还是不那么地道provide an impression一般是leave/make/create/convey来搭配较多；broaden horizons呢是个对的搭配，但用的人较多了，你可以换成expand one’s vision或者sb be open to sth这样转换下表达也不错的

By and large,based on the reasons mentioned,I am strongly convinced that programs and movies attract overwhelming attraction to audiences.
　　1. 单词空格
　　2. attract attraction，同根词的搭配不大建议用
　　3. 结尾段：要把前面中间段的主题句改写后写在结尾段，不要使用套句，based on the reasons mentioned…另外，I am convinced已经用过了，没有其他词汇可以表达么，我是觉得也不一定非得出现这个词组吧，考官当然知道这是你的观点啊。

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