新通教师：对托福满分作文的详细解析篇一（2）

上次欣赏了If you could meet a famous entertainer or athlete, who would that be, and why? 如果你可以遇见一位著名的演绎者或者运动员，你想见谁，并且阐述为什么。这篇满分作文的前两段。

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紧接着是第三段：

Second, having previously known that Norah Jones has been performing in a pub as teenager, I would like to know more about her opinions on teenager working, both full-time and part-time. As a university student, I’m still struggling between my major and my true calling, which is music. I appreciate her opinions on whether I should follow my music dreams or shall I just keep it a hobby. And if I were to chase my dream, is playing for pubs the best choice? Since Norah Jones has more experience on this topic, a meet with her might very well set my future road towards a steady direction.此段同样第一句话表明考生的第二个理由，即希望和诺拉琼斯讨论是否支持青少年参加全职或兼职工作。此处非常巧妙的是，考生将诺拉琼斯自身的经历和社会热点话题很好的结合在一起，将眼光不仅局限在诺拉琼斯的个人事迹上，而是以自己的眼光来讨论青少年参加工作的话题，并对此进行了有效扩展，但同时不忘与诺拉琼斯这一人物紧紧相关，而不是一味跑题。这个思路非常聪明，使看似个人的理由变得具有深度和思考性。同时以疑问句的方式将与诺拉琼斯面对面的画面铺展开来。从语言组织上，考生再次用到分词做状语的语法点。同时结合了现在进行时表感情色彩，现在完成进行时，whether引导的宾语从句，since 引导的原因状语从句，非限制性定语从句，情态动词，甚至if 引导的虚拟语气等语法现象，达到了了句式多样化的效果。

接下来第三段：

Third, since I personally admire Norah Jones to a great extent, I would like to take her on a trip of my own country, China. China abounds with natural scenery that differs from that of the states, a diversity of architectural styles, different Chinese cuisines, and a host of passionate people. Taking a tour of our wonderful country and its distinct culture may give Norah Jones some inspirations on musical creation. I would be overjoyed if her trip to China would contribute more or less to her next album. If not, I would still feel satisfied, since few people can enjoy a trip with their idol. And what’s best, I can practice my oral English with her along the trip! 此段是正文的第三个理由，考生的安排极为精巧，在主题的深度上可以说是层层递进。开始第一个理由看似只是个人音乐知识的探讨，第二个理由就逐步递进到社会问题，而第三个理由则是升华的作用，上升到文化层面。视角由诺纳琼斯的本人转移到考生自己的国家，并举出本国的特色，如菜系，景色，建筑和热情的好客的国民。简短的排比凸显出了自己国家的特色，与其说是谈诺拉琼斯，倒不如说换了角度谈文化特色。但考生并没有一味谈国家特色，而是笔锋一收，接着转回到诺拉身上，为什么作者要谈这个呢?Taking a tour of our wonderful country and its distinct culture may give Norah Jones some inspirations on musical creation. I would be overjoyed if her trip to China would contribute more or less to her next album.这样的文化一定会给诺拉创作灵感，将文化特色融入到自己的专辑里。原来如此，让文化的引入变得有理有据，更加自然。

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最后结尾段：

That’s why I look forward to meeting Norah Jones, my favorite jazz singer and composer. 结尾段干净收尾，简洁明了，没有过于赘述。

所以这篇满分作文整体最大的亮点，一是选材上新颖独特，同时又是美国本土明星，贴近考官心理。二是思路论点上，从请教音乐——社会问题讨论——文化交流层层递进，步步升华，给人亲切之感，好像的确在跟诺拉进行面对面的交流。

三是语言上，文章中大量运用了排比句，同义词转换，和不同的句式结合。使语言朴实自然，娓娓道来。无论是思路上还是语言上，都值得考生细细揣摩，模仿和学习。